My house plants died

My house plants died.

–

I messed up.

I was in an accident last year, I got hit by a car.

I bought my first house two week earlier, I hadn’t had the chance to unpack.

I had moved to a completely different area of the city that I barely knew.

My office was sporadically open in the city centre.

I was testing my new commute route.

I rode to the office, rode a bit more, had some noodles and started the ride back home.

I messed up.

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I went through the red light at a 5-way crossroads, not with abandon but I went through it.

I approached the light coasting, I’m slowing down, I’m going to stop, but I don’t.

I’m slowing, I’m going to stop but I don’t until I’m partway into the junction.

I messed up.

I start turning the bike around, I do a 180 and get ready to push off back to the light to get out of the junction.

I know that I am in the wrong place, I was stopping but I didn’t, at least not in the right place.

I’ve realised that and want to get out of the wrong place.

I run out of time, I am 3 metres from safety and the protection of road furniture.

I run out of time.

A car comes through the junction to turn right, it is a blind corner.

The car takes it tight.

The car takes it fast.

I am in the wrong place but not by much, I am in the wrong place by too much.

Cars are, for the most part, designed to hit you and I as safely as possible.

The car hits me side on, as safely as possible.

I’ve turned the bike around to get out of danger but I’m still there.

It hits me side on, the bonnet scoops me up, I break the windscreen and bounce off.

I fly and land far away, I land on the pavement on the far side of the road.

I land like a rag doll, clearly unconscious.

My bike does something else.

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I know that the air ambulance came, I know that they needed the doctor on board at the scene.

I know that I was transported by road to the hospital.

I know that I was less than a mile away from the hospital.

I know that had I been further away the outcome may have been very different.

I know that the hopsital was the regions spinal specialist unit.

I know that these details made me lucky.

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I fractured the top of my tibia in my knee.

I broke 4 ribs, two on each side of my chest.

I cracked my helmet.

I degloved my right ear (don’t Google what that means).

I ripped a chunk out of my right cheek.

I split open the right side of my forehead.

I had compression fractures to my T6 and T7 vertebrae, 75% and 50%.

My helmet strap cut deep into the right side of my neck severing arteries and muscles.

I was demolished and I was bleeding, a lot.

I was the call to the red phone in A&E.

I was the person they were waiting for when I arrived.

–

They patched the holes.

They started to put me back together.

They who brought me in didn’t know if I would survive.

To see me alive when they returned, they were pleasantly suprised.

–

I must have been given a lot of morphine that day.

I don’t actually remember any of this past eating noodles.

All I have is a CCTV video that the police got a hold of.

All I have is the testimony of police, friends and family who came to the scene and the hospital that day.

I spoke to them all but I don’t remember any of it.

I must have been given a lot of morphine that day.

I don’t remember anything.

I don’t remember the pain.

I was on 3 minute morphine for the next 8 days and I remember a lot of pain.

Pain it isn’t all I remember but it’s all I remember.

I must have been given a lot of morphine that day.

My brother came, they had a long way to travel.

I told them to go out for a drink because they couldn’t get to the hospital in time to see me that evening.

Have a drink I said, enjoy yourself.

I must have been given a lot of morphine that day.

–

All I remember is the pain.

I know I was on a ward, I know I was in a bed.

I know that I was moved a lot.

I know that I couldn’t get up.

I couldn’t get to the toilet.

I couldn’t lie on my side.

I couldn’t remember what had happened.

I couldn’t have any visitors.

All I remember is the pain.

I know that the nurses were very kind to me.

All I remember is the pain.

The journey to the MRI scanner involved being moved from surface to surface to surface.

I know that I went to the MRI scanner a lot.

All I remember is the pain.

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I had surgery.

My spine has titanium in it now.

I was lucky, I could feel my legs.

They came to get me, I didn’t know why.

I know the nurses had told me but I didn’t know why.

What was wrong with my back?

What is wrong with my leg?

I knew about the pain, but I didn’t understand why.

Surgery isn’t exciting, surgery is just sleeping.

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I want to go home, but I’m not allowed.

Not until I can mobilise on crutches.

I’m not allowed to go home.

Until I can mobilise on crutches with a broken leg.

Until I can mobilise on crutches with 4 broken ribs.

Until I can mobilise on crutches with fresh metal in my spine.

Until I can mobilise on crutches.

And you are dialling down my pain relief, are you joking?

I want to go home, but I’m not allowed.

Until I can mobilise on crutches, down the hall.

Until I can mobilise on crutches, climb the stairs.

Until I can mobilise on crutches, descend the stairs.

I’m not allowed to go home.

Until I can mobilise on crutches.

I can get to the toilet with my zimmer frame.

Just.

I’m not allowed to go home.

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Using the road is not meant to be efficient, it is meant to be safe.

I messed up, I was in the wrong place.

The driver messed up.

They took a blind corner tight.

They took a blind corner fast.

Using the road is not meant to be efficient, it is meant to be safe.

Road users are humans.

Humans are unpredictable, humans are unexpected.

Humans do stupid things.

I did a stupid thing.

It makes no sense, but I did a stupid thing.

I was the unexpected.

Using the road is not meant to be efficient, it is meant to be safe.

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My house plants died.